The Most Important Thing
August 12, 2018

We are constantly bombarded with messages around self-care, self-acceptance and self-worth. Without counting there are probably more memes about accepting ourselves as we are than people. We stand in the mirror and give ourselves affirmations and we journal until the ink runs out yet we still don’t love ourselves.

I’m here to tell you about a little secret that is the key and precursor which will open a whole new level of self-acceptance.

Recently I was speaking with someone and within the space of a couple of minutes, they had told me how dumb they were five times. What we tell others about ourselves we tell ourselves. The language we use is important. Speaking harshly to ourselves does more than bring us down, it cuts to our heart and undermines our belief in ourselves. It opens the wounds of our past and rubs salt into them.

In a productivity facebook group I’m in we give ourselves rewards for effort and achieving goals. Whilst I’m all for rewarding ourselves when we tie a reward in with action we need to ensure that we don’t view the withholding of the reward if we don’t complete the action as a punishment. It was an eye-opener for me to realise that was what I was doing. The secret I have rises completely above the reward vs effort activity.

A law in the universe is that what you send out you receive. If you criticise yourself then you will feel less than others. If you tell yourself you are dumb then you will feel like other people are smarter than you.

It’s time to stop and implement just one little secret, doing just one thing constantly will lead you to onto the path of self-empowerment through self-love.


This secret is kindness.

Yes, it’s that simple. Kindness is helpfulness towards someone in need, not in return for anything, nor for the advantage of the helper, but for that of the person helped. In this case, self-kindness is being kind to yourself. This sounds really simple, it is, it’s also very powerful.

Practising kindness is a noble action that allows you to be gentle with yourself. There is no set agenda or activity, save for speaking gently and lovingly with yourself. There is nothing asked for, kindness is its own reward.

It is as simple as stopping and gently correcting yourself when you say something harsh to yourself, practising acceptance by being in the now. For example, you may want to lose weight but for now, this is the body you are in, just accept yourself for who you are.

Over the last couple of years I’ve been practising kindness with myself and have found the following results; a centeredness and assuredness, surety in my actions, a more gentle nature and an all-around softening. Practising kindness doesn’t in any way make me weak or inactive, to the contrary I find that because I’ve become my best friend I have my back in no matter what situation I’m in.

I’d love you to try my little secret and let me know how you go, maybe try it for a week. I’m sure it will make big changes in your life.

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